thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
