A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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