my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You are the jesus of drinking
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
