Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
