Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
