but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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