it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
