And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
