I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
