Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
