So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
