I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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