I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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