but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
