lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
