Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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