this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
