We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
