just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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