Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
