its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
