My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
