I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
