Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pants are for mortals
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