the condom got lost in my hair
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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