It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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