remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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