I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
