apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize