Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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