The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
