im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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