Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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