I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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