Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
