For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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