sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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