oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
