well I can't set my house on fire every night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
