i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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