i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
