Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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