he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
