So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
