wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
