if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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