Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
try to milk me bitch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
