I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
