I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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