had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
