Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
