well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
