So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
