This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you never un-have a 4some
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
