he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
