You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
