Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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