Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
