you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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