so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
