Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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