my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
