I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
