Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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