So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
