ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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