Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
