i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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