My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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