Im at strip club and am horny
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
