This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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