i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
