What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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