At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
