Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
