he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
