I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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