i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
