listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This baby is an asshole
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
