'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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