Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
