Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
