He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
