Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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