Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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